Dear “Brokenhearted”,
I’ve planned this post for so long, but for some reason I have not been able to articulate what I have wanted to say until now. It has been so hard to write everything out that I have thought about. Why? I am in the same situation as you, but I ignored it. This post has been so hard to write because though it began as a letter to you, it actually served as realization for me. It forced me to take my own advice, to actually face what I have been trying to hide: a broken heart.
I have no doubt struggled with this broken heart of mine for a while now, yet I tried to ignore it. I attempted to hide it behind a smile, a loud laugh, a happy caption on a selfie, anything that would make the outside look better than the inside. I would shrug off the questions with a simple “I’m ok”, though no one really believed me. This response became second nature, and obviously sounded automatic. But yet, I clung to that lie. I used it to convince myself that I was indeed ok.
I have always heard people say to love God first before any other person. Prior to now, I thought this was simply impossible. In this time of struggle, I have found such incredible peace and strength in the Lord. He has been there through it all and will continue to be there in the future. He holds no judgment against me, and He knows my future and what it entails. That in itself is such a beautiful realization!
Throughout this time God has revealed to me some awesome answers to my ceaseless questions in some of the most incredible ways. Hopefully what I have learned will help you too.
1.Take this time to love yourself
When you pursue a relationship, odds are you start to change who you are. You may change the way you dress, the way you talk, maybe even the way you eat to appear a certain way. Trust me, I’ve been there. You start to hide the real you in fear of rejection. Now, you are given the opportunity to learn yourself and love the person you are. So what if you wear yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt on a daily basis? So what if you talk in Friends or How I Met Your Mother lingo? So what if you slurp your soup from the bottom of the bowl? That’s you, my dear! There will come a day when all of these things and more will not only be accepted, but even encouraged by a special person. The guy who doesn’t care what you look like without makeup or the guy who finishes your Disney references of races you to the bottom of the milkshake is the guy for you. Learn to love yourself now for every little thing. How can you expect anyone to accept you if you can’t accept yourself?
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you.” --Song of Solomon 4:7
2.Take this time to learn and love the Lord
As I said earlier, I have grown so much in the Lord these past few months. Why? For the first time in a long time, I don’t have someone to call at 3 a.m. to cry about my day to (my parents are kind of asleep at that time). Anyways, the Lord’s phone is never on “Do Not Disturb.” We can call on Him at any time, with any struggle, and He will listen. He is so ready to hear every problem or praise we have with an open ear. Sure, sometimes it may seem like we are just talking to empty air, but just wait. Keep your own ears open. He will answer. He will give you so much strength and peace just like He gave me. Trust me, its an awesome feeling.
“I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear on me, I will call on him as long as I live.” –Psalm 116:1-2
3.Be patient
I know what you are thinking. “Be patient? Seriously? Does this girl know who she is talking to?” Yes, actually, I do. When I say this, I am also pointing at myself, saying the same thing in the mirror. Here’s the thing: for people like you and I, waiting is the worst form of torture. We like certainty, we like plans, and we like control. With God, though, we are better to let this go. I know your heart feels empty, and that just having someone will fix this hole. Take caution, my dear, for I thought the same thing. You are vulnerable right now, looking for anything to fill the void that you think only a romantic relationship can fill. Most likely, the result of rushing into another relationship will hurt worse than the hole. Right now, you simply aren’t ready. You aren’t ready to fall in love again, to devote your time to someone, to give away a piece of your heart. Take this time to just be still. When the time is right, God will bring you the right person. Do not force something you aren’t ready for. Just be patient.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” –Romans 15:13
4.Everything happens for a reason
This sentence is actually my life motto; I say it multiple times a day. Believing it always, though, is a different story. I know what you’re thinking. This was THE guy. He was different. He was what you’ve been praying for. Why did God end it? Simple answer: now just isn’t the right time. Consider this a blessing, for in the future you will look back on this and realize just how unfit the relationship was. “But he was perfect.” As girls, we try to make up excuses for people we care deeply about, even when we know the naysayers are right. We put so much effort and energy into trying to make something work because we are afraid of what will happen when it isn’t in our lives anymore. Whether this person entered your life to show you that you can be longed for or to demonstrate that they weren’t the kind of person you should long for in return, they entered your life regardless. Sure, things may not ever be the same again. As I said above, please be patient. Soon you will see exactly why God said “no” when you begged Him to say “yes”. I know that you’ll be so glad He did deny you of this.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” –2 Corinthians 4:18
5.The Lord has awesome plans in store
This right here is the best part of the whole experience. Whether you or he ended the relationship, there are better things to come for both of you. The Lord is so omnipotent and omniscient. Why do we even try to plan out our lives? Take it from me, the girl who tried to run her own life, only to watch her plans crumble before her. The plans that the Lord has for us are so much better than anything we can imagine. Will you end up back together? Will you be in a new relationship next month? Will you meet “the one” before you graduate college? I have no clue, neither do you. The Lord, however, knows it all. Think of it this way: we are students who are given a general syllabus for the course we know nothing about, the Lord is our professor. Though there are specific dates for things to occur, life will interfere and our schedule will get off balance. Can we control that? Absolutely not. Who can? The professor. The professor helps us to get back on track, leading us to the next deadline, or in life, event. How crazy and unorganized would life be if we tried to make our own course syllabus without knowing what the end goal was? Planning everything on our own is exhausting. Rest in the Lord. He’s got this.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” –Proverbs 16:9
6.Take the time to pray for your future spouse
I have made this a pattern of mine in my daily prayer. I pray for my future husband. I pray that He is a man of God and that the Lord will work in him as He work in me. I pray that together we will glorify the Lord. I pray that he will come into my life at just the right time, not a day late or a day early. I pray that when he does enter my life, I will be ready for him. I pray that God will constantly remind me of His greater plan when I am lonely or uncertain. Take the time to do this often, for one day, a man will enter your life and help you to realize why you encountered heartbreak in the past. Pray hard, pray often, and pray intentionally.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” --Proverbs 4:23
Long story short, the heartbreak is still present. I once heard that the best way to fix a broken heart is to move on. I can’t think of a statement that is more false. A broken heart is like a smashed plate. You can put all of the pieces back together, try to paint over the cracks, and attempt the use the plate again immediately. No matter what you do to fix the plate, though, it is broken. The cracks are still visible and its condition is imperfect. It is weaker than it was before. Even though you yourself may try to fix the plate, you can’t do it on your own. The right glue, the right shiny glaze, the right hands can repair it though, making it stronger than before.
A broken heart is not something to be taken lightly. A broken heart, like a broken bone, leaves you weak and susceptible to further future injury. A broken heart leaves a trail of memories, pictures, and inside jokes in its wake. A broken heart leaves you scarred and afraid of uncertainty.
So you, you with the broken heart, you aren’t alone. Cling tight to Jesus. Admit to yourself that you aren’t ok right now, but in time you will be. Take time to love yourself and make your plate shiny and strong. If all else fails, eat some ice cream (don’t forget the toppings), dance around your living room with your best friend, and smile. You’re on your way.
--Emily
I’ve planned this post for so long, but for some reason I have not been able to articulate what I have wanted to say until now. It has been so hard to write everything out that I have thought about. Why? I am in the same situation as you, but I ignored it. This post has been so hard to write because though it began as a letter to you, it actually served as realization for me. It forced me to take my own advice, to actually face what I have been trying to hide: a broken heart.
I have no doubt struggled with this broken heart of mine for a while now, yet I tried to ignore it. I attempted to hide it behind a smile, a loud laugh, a happy caption on a selfie, anything that would make the outside look better than the inside. I would shrug off the questions with a simple “I’m ok”, though no one really believed me. This response became second nature, and obviously sounded automatic. But yet, I clung to that lie. I used it to convince myself that I was indeed ok.
I have always heard people say to love God first before any other person. Prior to now, I thought this was simply impossible. In this time of struggle, I have found such incredible peace and strength in the Lord. He has been there through it all and will continue to be there in the future. He holds no judgment against me, and He knows my future and what it entails. That in itself is such a beautiful realization!
Throughout this time God has revealed to me some awesome answers to my ceaseless questions in some of the most incredible ways. Hopefully what I have learned will help you too.
1.Take this time to love yourself
When you pursue a relationship, odds are you start to change who you are. You may change the way you dress, the way you talk, maybe even the way you eat to appear a certain way. Trust me, I’ve been there. You start to hide the real you in fear of rejection. Now, you are given the opportunity to learn yourself and love the person you are. So what if you wear yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt on a daily basis? So what if you talk in Friends or How I Met Your Mother lingo? So what if you slurp your soup from the bottom of the bowl? That’s you, my dear! There will come a day when all of these things and more will not only be accepted, but even encouraged by a special person. The guy who doesn’t care what you look like without makeup or the guy who finishes your Disney references of races you to the bottom of the milkshake is the guy for you. Learn to love yourself now for every little thing. How can you expect anyone to accept you if you can’t accept yourself?
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling. There is no flaw in you.” --Song of Solomon 4:7
2.Take this time to learn and love the Lord
As I said earlier, I have grown so much in the Lord these past few months. Why? For the first time in a long time, I don’t have someone to call at 3 a.m. to cry about my day to (my parents are kind of asleep at that time). Anyways, the Lord’s phone is never on “Do Not Disturb.” We can call on Him at any time, with any struggle, and He will listen. He is so ready to hear every problem or praise we have with an open ear. Sure, sometimes it may seem like we are just talking to empty air, but just wait. Keep your own ears open. He will answer. He will give you so much strength and peace just like He gave me. Trust me, its an awesome feeling.
“I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear on me, I will call on him as long as I live.” –Psalm 116:1-2
3.Be patient
I know what you are thinking. “Be patient? Seriously? Does this girl know who she is talking to?” Yes, actually, I do. When I say this, I am also pointing at myself, saying the same thing in the mirror. Here’s the thing: for people like you and I, waiting is the worst form of torture. We like certainty, we like plans, and we like control. With God, though, we are better to let this go. I know your heart feels empty, and that just having someone will fix this hole. Take caution, my dear, for I thought the same thing. You are vulnerable right now, looking for anything to fill the void that you think only a romantic relationship can fill. Most likely, the result of rushing into another relationship will hurt worse than the hole. Right now, you simply aren’t ready. You aren’t ready to fall in love again, to devote your time to someone, to give away a piece of your heart. Take this time to just be still. When the time is right, God will bring you the right person. Do not force something you aren’t ready for. Just be patient.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” –Romans 15:13
4.Everything happens for a reason
This sentence is actually my life motto; I say it multiple times a day. Believing it always, though, is a different story. I know what you’re thinking. This was THE guy. He was different. He was what you’ve been praying for. Why did God end it? Simple answer: now just isn’t the right time. Consider this a blessing, for in the future you will look back on this and realize just how unfit the relationship was. “But he was perfect.” As girls, we try to make up excuses for people we care deeply about, even when we know the naysayers are right. We put so much effort and energy into trying to make something work because we are afraid of what will happen when it isn’t in our lives anymore. Whether this person entered your life to show you that you can be longed for or to demonstrate that they weren’t the kind of person you should long for in return, they entered your life regardless. Sure, things may not ever be the same again. As I said above, please be patient. Soon you will see exactly why God said “no” when you begged Him to say “yes”. I know that you’ll be so glad He did deny you of this.
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” –2 Corinthians 4:18
5.The Lord has awesome plans in store
This right here is the best part of the whole experience. Whether you or he ended the relationship, there are better things to come for both of you. The Lord is so omnipotent and omniscient. Why do we even try to plan out our lives? Take it from me, the girl who tried to run her own life, only to watch her plans crumble before her. The plans that the Lord has for us are so much better than anything we can imagine. Will you end up back together? Will you be in a new relationship next month? Will you meet “the one” before you graduate college? I have no clue, neither do you. The Lord, however, knows it all. Think of it this way: we are students who are given a general syllabus for the course we know nothing about, the Lord is our professor. Though there are specific dates for things to occur, life will interfere and our schedule will get off balance. Can we control that? Absolutely not. Who can? The professor. The professor helps us to get back on track, leading us to the next deadline, or in life, event. How crazy and unorganized would life be if we tried to make our own course syllabus without knowing what the end goal was? Planning everything on our own is exhausting. Rest in the Lord. He’s got this.
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” –Proverbs 16:9
6.Take the time to pray for your future spouse
I have made this a pattern of mine in my daily prayer. I pray for my future husband. I pray that He is a man of God and that the Lord will work in him as He work in me. I pray that together we will glorify the Lord. I pray that he will come into my life at just the right time, not a day late or a day early. I pray that when he does enter my life, I will be ready for him. I pray that God will constantly remind me of His greater plan when I am lonely or uncertain. Take the time to do this often, for one day, a man will enter your life and help you to realize why you encountered heartbreak in the past. Pray hard, pray often, and pray intentionally.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” --Proverbs 4:23
Long story short, the heartbreak is still present. I once heard that the best way to fix a broken heart is to move on. I can’t think of a statement that is more false. A broken heart is like a smashed plate. You can put all of the pieces back together, try to paint over the cracks, and attempt the use the plate again immediately. No matter what you do to fix the plate, though, it is broken. The cracks are still visible and its condition is imperfect. It is weaker than it was before. Even though you yourself may try to fix the plate, you can’t do it on your own. The right glue, the right shiny glaze, the right hands can repair it though, making it stronger than before.
A broken heart is not something to be taken lightly. A broken heart, like a broken bone, leaves you weak and susceptible to further future injury. A broken heart leaves a trail of memories, pictures, and inside jokes in its wake. A broken heart leaves you scarred and afraid of uncertainty.
So you, you with the broken heart, you aren’t alone. Cling tight to Jesus. Admit to yourself that you aren’t ok right now, but in time you will be. Take time to love yourself and make your plate shiny and strong. If all else fails, eat some ice cream (don’t forget the toppings), dance around your living room with your best friend, and smile. You’re on your way.
--Emily